Aku senang meramu kata yang membuatku terbang ke angkasa, menyelam ke laut terdalam, meledak berkeping-keping, serta terlontar terbawa angin beliung dan ombak bergulung. Prosa adalah caraku mengungkap rasa. Aku tidak suka menjadi biasa. Salah satu impianku adalah memiliki sayap dan melayang menuju matahari. Kawan, jangan membenci yang tidak kamu mengerti.
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So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organises your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.
Have you ever just laid in your bed and cried? And cried. Because you think your ugly. Because your not good enough for anyone. You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to make you feel worse about yourself. Cried because of all the comments people burst out actually hurts? Cried because your family is dysfunctional and never understands you. But your just a kid and you can't change anything. They tell you to stop complaining, that you have it better then the kids in Africa, even though they don't understand life either? You don't want to feel like an attention seeker, so you bottle everything up. Around friends and family you create that fake smile and they just believe it. But then at night time, when your all alone in bed, the girl that everybody thought was always so happy, is crying her broken heart out. Story of my life, i wish i was 'the happy kid' again, i wish i didn't have to pretend anymore.
PS: I copied this from a friend's note. Thanks to Stacyy Lee. She got some awesome writings anyways.